To all of my fellow citizens of the town of Dadoria,
We live in a time of peace. Of prosperity. Whatever troubles may plague the world, we live in a video game fantasy town where birds chirp, kids play, and everyone knows each other. Which, because we live in a video game fantasy town, means we’re all in grave danger. As you all know, peace is exactly the moment when disaster strikes. Whether it’s some dark god, evil empire, or previously defeated species out for revenge, something is coming for us. As mayoral candidate for Dadoria, I want you to know that I can help. We CAN defeat the inevitable, unspecified darkness!….with my six point plan.
1 – Fund research into town history
In addition to promoting civic pride, researching town history will give us a much better understanding of the various ancient traps laid for us by our predecessors. While it may be tempting to live in ignorant bliss of the doom hidden within a nearby ancient temple, smart planning and responsible leadership will ensure that we can live with peace of mind despite the dangers. Every 4,000 year old ritual sealing away the forces of darkness, every lost sword that holds the ultimate power, and every gateway to an evil dimension will be studied, catalogued, and placed on a publically available town website to ensure we’re making progress towards ridding our homes of these dangers.
2 – Establish a rigorous immigration protocol
Outsiders often bring unwanted attention to our otherwise peace burg. Many a fantasy town has been undone by a clever old wise man who turned out to be a general in an imperial army or a lovely young lady who is actually part of a long lost magical race. ALL prospective immigrants to Dadoria will go through a thorough review to ensure they have a history free of interesting lives linking them to dangerous adventures.
3 – Improve educational standards
Heroes. They’re the worst. If there’s one thing to guarantee the doom of our village, it’s a plucky band of youngsters living an idyllic life just begging for a town-wide massacre to start them on a noble quest to save the world. As mayor, I would take great exception to the idea that we need to be the ones to die. All kids between the ages of 13 and 18 will be sent to a quality boarding school where any that show a plucky, can do attitude will be banned from returning.
4 – Increase economic investment
To further discourage the development of homegrown adventurers, I shall direct the investment of town tax monies towards the increase in quality and rarity of our goods. Any prospective heroes would need to start off buying high level gear and fighting brutal monsters. Good luck with that guys. As an added bonus, we’ll be at the top of the economic food chain when adventurers come knocking for powerful weapons and armor. There’s no loss here.
5 – Energy diversity
While we all honor and appreciate the wonderful quality of life that the CRYSTAL OF FIRE provides, it’s time we looked to more traditional sources of energy. I share your concerns about the pollution resulting from alternative sources, but it pales in comparison to the destruction wrought by an evil emperor who destroys our humble town to complete his collection. Instead, I propose selling the CRYSTAL OF FIRE and using coal as a bridging source until we can transition to solar or steam power.
6 – Invest in our armed forces
At the end of the day, nothing stops nefarious actors like well-armed troops with a diverse array of weapons. Ottis is a wonderful young man whose bumbling charm feels right at home in Dadoria, but he can’t stop the ravenous hordes of a demon army bent on global domination. We need trained soldiers with guns, magic, and magical guns. They’ll cut their teeth on the seemingly endless monsters in the area and make sure that any would-be conqueror gets a face full of bullets for even looking in our direction.
So, fellow citizens of Dadoria. Vote me, vote for the future, and vote for not dying.